Troy and I (Lindsey, the author of these posts) were married in April of 2008. After a little over one year of marriage, I was diagnosed with bi-lateral tubal blockage with hydrosalpinx. My fallopian tubes were rendered completely useless, and the chances of being able to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a mom were slowly diminishing. I was told that because of my diagnosis, fertility treatments were my only option, and I was referred to Shady Grove Fertility to begin the InVitro Fertilization (IVF) process. Our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) said that because I was young and relatively healthy, my chances of success with IVF was well over 60%. This was great news, and we were both extremely optimistic about it!
After surgery and several other medical procedures, we began the first round of IVF. It quickly turned into a physical and emotional roller coaster ride....one that we wanted to get off but couldn't if we wanted a baby! Daily injections into the stomach, usually 3 or 4 per day didn't seem so bad at first, however it all very suddenly became overwhelming and extremely painful. Daily medical appointments became exhausting. Medication that caused complications due to ovarian hyper-stimulation. Then an egg retrieval that should have taken one week to recover from took well over 4 weeks! The inability to control constant mood swings became frustrating. Losing total control of yourself was hard. Being so bloated that people asked if I was pregnant....and having to deal with those emotions, thinking, "if they only knew." All of the procedures and the ton of information thrown at you all at once all became extremely intimidating. But somehow, we survived it! Barely. We got the news in December of 2009 that our cycle had failed. Of course we were devastated! We were back to square one with our emotions....trying to figure out why it didn't work. What did I do wrong? Why are we being punished? Why is my body failing me? We are supposed to be "fruitful and multiply", so why not me? Why couldn't this have happened to somebody else who has the financial means to pay for treatments? We weren't sure where to go from here, or what to think, or how to feel.
We decided that we would try another round of IVF, but we wanted to wait a little while so we could take the time to heal. During the healing process, Lindsey was able to work on her health. She began weight watchers and also picked up running and Bikram yoga. She was able to lose about 40 pounds and even ran several 5k's! She was training for a 1/2 marathon until she injured her knee. And although Troy was hurting inside, he continued to remain strong for me....he had to because I was falling apart!
We finally decided to start our second round in December of 2010. After a couple of months of hormone treatments, intra-muscular injections, and medical appointments, it was time for a Frozen Embryo Transfer....this time with two! Wow! The possibility of twins was beyond exciting! Our RE kept saying "Think sticky thoughts." I took that to another level.....it was snowing the day of my embryo transfer. The snow was sticking....it must be a sign that it's going to work! They closed schools because of the snow. Another sign! I didn't have to stress over missing work while school was in session! Then comes the awful two week wait to find out if it worked or not! Every little twinge I felt, every time I threw up, or was extremely exhausted, Troy and I both thought it was going to work! We remained positive and hopeful. Finally the day arrived to find out! February 8, 2011...we were both a nervous wreck! I got the voice message around 1:00 p.m. I knew immediately what the outcome was. I could tell by the tone of my nurses voice....it was negative. We were devastated once again. Angry. Sad. Frustrated. Confused. Hurt. Betrayed. We felt our dream slipping even further away from us. Now we have to go through the painful healing process again. And once again....back to square one.
We thought that our only hope was IVF. We could NEVER afford adoption....or could we? That's why we are creating this blog!! It is our hope to be able to raise enough money through donations and our own hard work to be able to afford our adoption! We are saving our money, Troy is working overtime, and I am going to start selling Mary Kay products shortly to be able to afford this!
Thank you for your love, support, thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement!
We love you and are always there for you and Troy
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