I don't know what's worse....the two week wait after the embryo transfer, or the several hour wait for the results of your blood test to come back!! I had an appointment this morning at 8:45 for my blood pregnancy test. This is the test that determines our fate! You would think that after taking 4 (yes, I said 4) home pregnancy tests over the past couple of days (including one this morning before I went in for my appointment) and getting positives on each one that I would be a little more confident going into this. Well, I'm not! My nerves are shot! I'm trying to keep busy, but time is going nowhere! I guess the only thing left to do is go back to bed and take a nap. I will fall asleep for what feels like forever....but it will wind up to only be 1 hour. Then what?
What more can I do though? I have taken all the necessary steps to make everything turn out as successful as possible. I took off work for the entire IVF cycle so my body could be stress free and relaxed. I stayed calm during my time off. I didn't overdo anything. I prayed every day and I put my trust and faith in God's hands. He knows what's best for me. He has a plan for me. Although I can't always say that it's easy to understand this, I know that I have to accept it! There's no use trying to justify what happens. Things happen for a reason. If this is meant to be....it WILL happen!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Are You Positive????
So....my blood pregnancy test is this Thursday at 8:45 a.m. My nerves are totally shot! I just want to know already! Because I am so impatient with stuff like this, I decided to take a HPT (home pregnancy test). I went to Target, bought a 1st Response (Early Result) test, came home, and RAN to the bathroom. I have NEVER gone to the bathroom that quickly! I did the test, then covered the tip as directed....and then let it sit. Not even a minute later the first line appeared....then here comes the second line. This second line wasn't a faint line either, it was as clear as day! The two lines means the test is positive.
All I can do right now is continue to pray that it stays positive for the test on Thursday and that it is a viable pregnancy!
Fingers crossed!
All I can do right now is continue to pray that it stays positive for the test on Thursday and that it is a viable pregnancy!
Fingers crossed!
Friday, June 1, 2012
OUCH!!
I have six more days until my Beta test (blood pregnancy test). It has been pure torture having to wait! Trying to think positive, and send sticky vibes my way! That's kind of hard though when you are rather uncomfortable!
Around Saturday or Sunday of last week (26th/27th) I began getting a little crampy. The cramps have intensified since then, but they don't show up very often. The thing that really gets me is this sharp stabbing pain in my lower abdomen, I'd say right above the pelvic bone. If I'm laying down, and I stretch out, I get that sharp pain. Or if I'm sitting down, and I stand up, I get that sharp pain. The pain is very brief, and only lasts for about 30 seconds....but it's frequent, and painful! Sometimes the pain is on my left side, sometimes it's on the right, and sometimes it's right smack dab in the middle! I have no idea if this is a good sign or not. Of course I've read a billion posts and articles about this type of pain to try to find an answer, but I remain answer-less!
Let's just hope for a good test on the 7th!
Around Saturday or Sunday of last week (26th/27th) I began getting a little crampy. The cramps have intensified since then, but they don't show up very often. The thing that really gets me is this sharp stabbing pain in my lower abdomen, I'd say right above the pelvic bone. If I'm laying down, and I stretch out, I get that sharp pain. Or if I'm sitting down, and I stand up, I get that sharp pain. The pain is very brief, and only lasts for about 30 seconds....but it's frequent, and painful! Sometimes the pain is on my left side, sometimes it's on the right, and sometimes it's right smack dab in the middle! I have no idea if this is a good sign or not. Of course I've read a billion posts and articles about this type of pain to try to find an answer, but I remain answer-less!
Let's just hope for a good test on the 7th!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Transfer
So the "transfer" occurred last week, on Thursday May 24th. We arrived at Shady Grove Fertility in Rockville at 1:47 p.m. for a 2:15 p.m. appointment. As we were sitting in the waiting room, I was sitting there thinking about how this was all too familiar. We had been in the same waiting room several times before.....and had left that waiting room feeling hopeful every single time. Yet, we were back here once again. I tried not to think about it too much because I didn't want to get all worked up right before the transfer. I was able to calm myself down, and somehow, I think my husband knew I was getting nervous. Right when I was on the verge of tears from reflecting on the past, he put his arm around me, and held me a little tighter then he normally does. That arm was magical! I felt relaxed again, and wasn't as stressed.
Right about 2:00, the nurse called us back into another area. This area was behind closed doors.....another place we had been twice before. In this area, we show our photo I.D.'s and put blue booties on our feet. I took my shoes off and put the booties on, Troy put them on over his shoes. Then about 3 minutes later, they called us back into the "transfer" room. They took my blood pressure, and asked a few questions. The nurse then left the room and said the doctor would be in shortly. The doctor came in about 5 minutes after the nurse left. She went over a few things with us. She explained to us that they thawed two embryos. Both embryos survived the thaw so no additional embryos needed to be thawed. One of the embryos had 100% of its cells survive, the other had 90% of its cells survive. You can't get any better than 100%! The doctor then told us that she had one more transfer ahead of us, and that she would be back in about 5 minutes to do our transfer.
About 7 minutes later, the doctor returned. I "assumed the position", and using ultrasound guidance the doctor inserted the speculum and catheter. She then called in the embryologist as we were now ready for the transfer. The embryologist entered the room with a tube which contained our possible babies. He made the transfer through the catheter that had been inserted through my cervix. The embryologist then left the room to check the tube under the microscope to make sure the embryos both made it into my uterus. It was a no go. We had one that decided to hang back....so we did the entire procedure again....inserted the speculum and catheter again (fun). The embryologist redid his thing....and this time all was clear. After the transfer, I had to lay there for about 5 minutes before I could go home. Five minutes went by and I got dressed, put my shoes back on, used the restroom (I had to pee like nobodies business because I had to drink about 32 ounces of water before the procedure), then we went to the elevator, took it to the first floor, and headed to the car to go home.
Once we got home, I had to be on bed rest for 24 hours with light activity for the next 2-3 days. The 24 hour period wasn't too bad. I did get a little ancy though as I wanted to get out of the bed! I managed to stay in bed though for the 24 hour duration (except to use the bathroom). During these 24 hours, my hubby took really good care of me. He checked on me to make sure I was ok. He brought me stuff to drink without me even having to ask. He even went to 7-11 at 11 at night to get me my favorite ice cream...Breyers Oreo Overload!! I couldn't ask for a better husband!
Five days have gone by since the transfer. I think I have taken it pretty easy for the most part. I did some swimming on Saturday and Sunday with my step-kids (yes, swimming was allowed). We also took them to Rehoboth Beach on Monday (Memorial Day). Overall, it was a pretty relaxing weekend. And other than being extremely sensitive both emotionally and physically from the del estrogen and progesterone injections, being bloated enough to look like I'm about 4 months pregnant, and having some serious cramping, sometimes sharp stabbing cramping......I'm doing just great! I'm not even really craving diet coke!! :)
Right about 2:00, the nurse called us back into another area. This area was behind closed doors.....another place we had been twice before. In this area, we show our photo I.D.'s and put blue booties on our feet. I took my shoes off and put the booties on, Troy put them on over his shoes. Then about 3 minutes later, they called us back into the "transfer" room. They took my blood pressure, and asked a few questions. The nurse then left the room and said the doctor would be in shortly. The doctor came in about 5 minutes after the nurse left. She went over a few things with us. She explained to us that they thawed two embryos. Both embryos survived the thaw so no additional embryos needed to be thawed. One of the embryos had 100% of its cells survive, the other had 90% of its cells survive. You can't get any better than 100%! The doctor then told us that she had one more transfer ahead of us, and that she would be back in about 5 minutes to do our transfer.
About 7 minutes later, the doctor returned. I "assumed the position", and using ultrasound guidance the doctor inserted the speculum and catheter. She then called in the embryologist as we were now ready for the transfer. The embryologist entered the room with a tube which contained our possible babies. He made the transfer through the catheter that had been inserted through my cervix. The embryologist then left the room to check the tube under the microscope to make sure the embryos both made it into my uterus. It was a no go. We had one that decided to hang back....so we did the entire procedure again....inserted the speculum and catheter again (fun). The embryologist redid his thing....and this time all was clear. After the transfer, I had to lay there for about 5 minutes before I could go home. Five minutes went by and I got dressed, put my shoes back on, used the restroom (I had to pee like nobodies business because I had to drink about 32 ounces of water before the procedure), then we went to the elevator, took it to the first floor, and headed to the car to go home.
Once we got home, I had to be on bed rest for 24 hours with light activity for the next 2-3 days. The 24 hour period wasn't too bad. I did get a little ancy though as I wanted to get out of the bed! I managed to stay in bed though for the 24 hour duration (except to use the bathroom). During these 24 hours, my hubby took really good care of me. He checked on me to make sure I was ok. He brought me stuff to drink without me even having to ask. He even went to 7-11 at 11 at night to get me my favorite ice cream...Breyers Oreo Overload!! I couldn't ask for a better husband!
Five days have gone by since the transfer. I think I have taken it pretty easy for the most part. I did some swimming on Saturday and Sunday with my step-kids (yes, swimming was allowed). We also took them to Rehoboth Beach on Monday (Memorial Day). Overall, it was a pretty relaxing weekend. And other than being extremely sensitive both emotionally and physically from the del estrogen and progesterone injections, being bloated enough to look like I'm about 4 months pregnant, and having some serious cramping, sometimes sharp stabbing cramping......I'm doing just great! I'm not even really craving diet coke!! :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
3rd Time is the Charm????
Here it is....the day before another embryo transfer. Yep, you read it right! We decided we are going to attempt our 3rd and final IVF cycle. My insurance only covers 50% of three attempts for each baby, so after this one, we are done. It's unfortunate that insurance doesn't cover more.
Don't misunderstand it though, we are still looking to adopt. We just decided that we wanted to try one last time. We would have always had the "what if" running through our minds had we not exhausted all three tries.
As I look back on my past two failed cycles, I tried to figure out what went wrong. Was it something I did? Did I go back to work too soon after the transfer? Was I too stressed out from all the problems at work? Was I over-exerting myself? Was there something seriously wrong with my body that the doctor's just couldn't figure out? Apparently there was something wrong with my body, but whether or not "fixing" this will lead to a baby, who knows? Troy and I also decided that this is all or nothing. This is our LAST chance! We want to do it right, and keep me stress-free! The only way to do this was to stop working! So we decided that I would take medical leave to remove all unnecessary stressors from my life!
My third IVF cycle officially started on April 14, 2012 when they started me on birth control pills. However, prior to the "official start" of my third cycle, the doctor wanted another HSG done. I was definitely not thrilled to hear this! Although initially I was less than thrilled about the HSG, I was happy that my doctor decided that there must be something wrong since the IVF hasn't worked. After all, I started IVF when I was 29, and I am a healthy individual! The HSG was extremely uncomfortable (but then again, are there any comfortable procedures in the fertility world???) but at least it is done and over with! I later found out that "something" appeared on the X-Rays from the HSG. Was it a polyp, fibroids, or some other mass? We would have to wait and see.
Back to the birth control pills. I know what you're thinking. Why would they put you on birth control pills? Well, the simple answer to that is so they have control over my cycle! The birth control pills "quiet" my ovaries which prevents ovulation and prevents me from starting a period (the ovulation thing wouldn't matter anyways since my tubes are gone but the period thing does! They need to know when my period will start). Anyways, a few days after I started the BC pills, I went in for a saline sonogram. Another pretty uncomfortable fertility procedure! Talk about some serious cramping afterwards! This is where the doctor was able to determine what that "thing" was they found during the HSG. During this sonogram, the doctor discovered that I had a somewhat large polyp in my uterus. A polyp is extremely significant when it comes to fertility, as it takes up space in the uterus....space which is needed for an embryo to implant. Before I could proceed any further, I had to have it surgically removed.
May 3rd, 2012 was the day! The day I had the polyp removed. This is also the day my medical leave officially started. However, the day before my surgery, I received a phone call from Shady Grove Fertility stating that Kaiser (my insurance provider) denied my claim for the surgery. The DAY BEFORE!!!! I was so upset! What am I supposed to do now? I must have that surgery! Troy and I decided to proceed with the surgery...and we'll have to pay out of pocket for the entire surgery. They'll just have to get their money when we have it! So the surgery goes on as planned. It was a pretty quick surgery. Afterwards, the doctor said the polyp was rather large and that they were sending it to the lab for screening (to make sure it is not cancerous). I haven't heard anything about that, so I'm assuming all is well.
Here comes May 8th, 2012. At this point, I'm pretty much all healed up from surgery. Still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Now it's time for blood work and an ultrasound. Yep, another ultrasound. By the way, they're vaginal ultrasounds.....not external on the stomach! The technician who took my blood did an awful job! She used a needle much too large (should have used a butterfly, but she didn't) and I could feel her moving the needle around in my arm. Needless to say, to this day I STILL have a bruise on my arm. Thankfully though the bump (blood clot) she created has gone away. The purpose of this appointment was to make sure the birth control pills did their job and would determine whether or not my body was ready to begin the del estrogen injections. The results came back, and we were good to go. Only one problem. I didn't have the medicine or supplies I needed! Apparently, one of the nurses at SGF called my medication in about 3 weeks prior, but failed to inform me of this! So here we were, scrambling to get my medicine so I could begin it that night. I called Kaiser, and because they received the order 3 weeks ago and I didn't pick up the medicine, they put in back on the shelf. So they had to refill it. Thankfully all went well, and I was able to pick it up later that afternoon.
Picture this.....I place an ice pack on my tooshy every third evening, wait for it to become numb, then my husband so lovingly injects me with del estrogen. This one isn't that bad though. It's .2 ml every third day and we are able to use a 22G needle. I warm everything up afterwards by placing a heating pad on my toosh after the injection. At least with a frozen embryo transfer cycle, I don't have to inject medicine into my stomach about 4 times a day! (my first cycle was a FRESH cycle....a lot of complications there. second cycle was a frozen cycle. third is another frozen cycle).
It sure was nice while it lasted.....one shot every third night. Not anymore! May 19th arrived, and it's time for another fantastic ultrasound and blood work. This time, we need to see if my body and uterine lining are ready for the second medication. Of course it is! My body has always responded well to the medication....just not to the implantation! So now I start progesterone in oil. This one is EVERY night....and the needle is a bit larger because the medicine is quite a bit thicker! It's an 18G needle....and the medicine burns going in! Not only that, but it makes my tooshy hurt big time! We do rotate "cheeks" every night, but that doesn't help much! Instead of one cheek hurting, I have two! I still do the del estrogen, so every third night I get two fantastic shots!
And now we're back to the day before the embryo transfer! My emotions are going crazy right now. I woke up in the middle of the night last night covered in tears. Reality has hit. This is it. What if it doesn't work? This is my last chance to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mom. I know there's adoption....but it's not the same. I want nothing more then to be able to experience the feeling of having a little miracle growing inside of me. I want nothing more then to be able to give birth. I want nothing more then to hold a tiny little baby in my arms, give him or her a name, and gaze into the eyes of my little miracle. I can't help but to think....what have I done so horribly wrong that I am not blessed with a little one? Why is it that teenagers are having babies every day, yet I can't have one with my husband? For the most part, I have accepted the hand that has been dealt to me. But why should I have to accept it? Why can't I be given something better?
Do I feel sorry for myself? Absolutely not! But I do feel confused. Hurt. Frustrated. Anxious. ALONE. I want to be positive about this cycle. I'm TRYING to be positive about this cycle, but it's hard when you keep replaying the phone calls from the past.....the one I received from my nurse after my pregnancy test for each cycle. She started each message with "I'm so sorry that I don't have better news..........." and that's all I remember her saying. How can you forget that? How can that not have a major impact on my feelings towards this cycle?
Maybe. What if. I hope so. We'll see. I don't know. What else can I say?!
Don't misunderstand it though, we are still looking to adopt. We just decided that we wanted to try one last time. We would have always had the "what if" running through our minds had we not exhausted all three tries.
As I look back on my past two failed cycles, I tried to figure out what went wrong. Was it something I did? Did I go back to work too soon after the transfer? Was I too stressed out from all the problems at work? Was I over-exerting myself? Was there something seriously wrong with my body that the doctor's just couldn't figure out? Apparently there was something wrong with my body, but whether or not "fixing" this will lead to a baby, who knows? Troy and I also decided that this is all or nothing. This is our LAST chance! We want to do it right, and keep me stress-free! The only way to do this was to stop working! So we decided that I would take medical leave to remove all unnecessary stressors from my life!
My third IVF cycle officially started on April 14, 2012 when they started me on birth control pills. However, prior to the "official start" of my third cycle, the doctor wanted another HSG done. I was definitely not thrilled to hear this! Although initially I was less than thrilled about the HSG, I was happy that my doctor decided that there must be something wrong since the IVF hasn't worked. After all, I started IVF when I was 29, and I am a healthy individual! The HSG was extremely uncomfortable (but then again, are there any comfortable procedures in the fertility world???) but at least it is done and over with! I later found out that "something" appeared on the X-Rays from the HSG. Was it a polyp, fibroids, or some other mass? We would have to wait and see.
Back to the birth control pills. I know what you're thinking. Why would they put you on birth control pills? Well, the simple answer to that is so they have control over my cycle! The birth control pills "quiet" my ovaries which prevents ovulation and prevents me from starting a period (the ovulation thing wouldn't matter anyways since my tubes are gone but the period thing does! They need to know when my period will start). Anyways, a few days after I started the BC pills, I went in for a saline sonogram. Another pretty uncomfortable fertility procedure! Talk about some serious cramping afterwards! This is where the doctor was able to determine what that "thing" was they found during the HSG. During this sonogram, the doctor discovered that I had a somewhat large polyp in my uterus. A polyp is extremely significant when it comes to fertility, as it takes up space in the uterus....space which is needed for an embryo to implant. Before I could proceed any further, I had to have it surgically removed.
May 3rd, 2012 was the day! The day I had the polyp removed. This is also the day my medical leave officially started. However, the day before my surgery, I received a phone call from Shady Grove Fertility stating that Kaiser (my insurance provider) denied my claim for the surgery. The DAY BEFORE!!!! I was so upset! What am I supposed to do now? I must have that surgery! Troy and I decided to proceed with the surgery...and we'll have to pay out of pocket for the entire surgery. They'll just have to get their money when we have it! So the surgery goes on as planned. It was a pretty quick surgery. Afterwards, the doctor said the polyp was rather large and that they were sending it to the lab for screening (to make sure it is not cancerous). I haven't heard anything about that, so I'm assuming all is well.
Here comes May 8th, 2012. At this point, I'm pretty much all healed up from surgery. Still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Now it's time for blood work and an ultrasound. Yep, another ultrasound. By the way, they're vaginal ultrasounds.....not external on the stomach! The technician who took my blood did an awful job! She used a needle much too large (should have used a butterfly, but she didn't) and I could feel her moving the needle around in my arm. Needless to say, to this day I STILL have a bruise on my arm. Thankfully though the bump (blood clot) she created has gone away. The purpose of this appointment was to make sure the birth control pills did their job and would determine whether or not my body was ready to begin the del estrogen injections. The results came back, and we were good to go. Only one problem. I didn't have the medicine or supplies I needed! Apparently, one of the nurses at SGF called my medication in about 3 weeks prior, but failed to inform me of this! So here we were, scrambling to get my medicine so I could begin it that night. I called Kaiser, and because they received the order 3 weeks ago and I didn't pick up the medicine, they put in back on the shelf. So they had to refill it. Thankfully all went well, and I was able to pick it up later that afternoon.
Picture this.....I place an ice pack on my tooshy every third evening, wait for it to become numb, then my husband so lovingly injects me with del estrogen. This one isn't that bad though. It's .2 ml every third day and we are able to use a 22G needle. I warm everything up afterwards by placing a heating pad on my toosh after the injection. At least with a frozen embryo transfer cycle, I don't have to inject medicine into my stomach about 4 times a day! (my first cycle was a FRESH cycle....a lot of complications there. second cycle was a frozen cycle. third is another frozen cycle).
It sure was nice while it lasted.....one shot every third night. Not anymore! May 19th arrived, and it's time for another fantastic ultrasound and blood work. This time, we need to see if my body and uterine lining are ready for the second medication. Of course it is! My body has always responded well to the medication....just not to the implantation! So now I start progesterone in oil. This one is EVERY night....and the needle is a bit larger because the medicine is quite a bit thicker! It's an 18G needle....and the medicine burns going in! Not only that, but it makes my tooshy hurt big time! We do rotate "cheeks" every night, but that doesn't help much! Instead of one cheek hurting, I have two! I still do the del estrogen, so every third night I get two fantastic shots!
And now we're back to the day before the embryo transfer! My emotions are going crazy right now. I woke up in the middle of the night last night covered in tears. Reality has hit. This is it. What if it doesn't work? This is my last chance to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a mom. I know there's adoption....but it's not the same. I want nothing more then to be able to experience the feeling of having a little miracle growing inside of me. I want nothing more then to be able to give birth. I want nothing more then to hold a tiny little baby in my arms, give him or her a name, and gaze into the eyes of my little miracle. I can't help but to think....what have I done so horribly wrong that I am not blessed with a little one? Why is it that teenagers are having babies every day, yet I can't have one with my husband? For the most part, I have accepted the hand that has been dealt to me. But why should I have to accept it? Why can't I be given something better?
Do I feel sorry for myself? Absolutely not! But I do feel confused. Hurt. Frustrated. Anxious. ALONE. I want to be positive about this cycle. I'm TRYING to be positive about this cycle, but it's hard when you keep replaying the phone calls from the past.....the one I received from my nurse after my pregnancy test for each cycle. She started each message with "I'm so sorry that I don't have better news..........." and that's all I remember her saying. How can you forget that? How can that not have a major impact on my feelings towards this cycle?
Maybe. What if. I hope so. We'll see. I don't know. What else can I say?!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
5K.....Ready or Not!
My first 5k (3.1 miles) of this season is just around the corner....ready or not! My body is physically ready, and I am able to push through 4 miles....but my mind is starting to second guess my physical ability. Mind over matter....I know!
This Saturday I'll be running in the St. Charles 5k. I'm excited to be able to get out there in the fresh air and burn off some calories! Finishing a race is such a huge sense of accomplishment, especially for me! Growing up I hated to run. My body was not built for running and just thinking about running made me tired! I didn't even like to watch my brother run (he was the natural runner). It was so BORING!! As an adult, I now have the ability to look at it completely different. It's a way for my busy mind to slow down and to put all my thoughts on pause. It's just me, mother nature (or my treadmill), and some rockin' tunes on my iPod!
Happy running! (Please don't say "break a leg"......because with my luck, I will!)
:)
This Saturday I'll be running in the St. Charles 5k. I'm excited to be able to get out there in the fresh air and burn off some calories! Finishing a race is such a huge sense of accomplishment, especially for me! Growing up I hated to run. My body was not built for running and just thinking about running made me tired! I didn't even like to watch my brother run (he was the natural runner). It was so BORING!! As an adult, I now have the ability to look at it completely different. It's a way for my busy mind to slow down and to put all my thoughts on pause. It's just me, mother nature (or my treadmill), and some rockin' tunes on my iPod!
Happy running! (Please don't say "break a leg"......because with my luck, I will!)
:)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Only two months??
I find it hard to believe that it has only been two months since our last failed IVF cycle!! Technically it hasn't even been a whole two! It feels like it has been an eternity though! Time is just standing still but it sure doesn't feel that way! I can't quite figure out whether or not that's a good thing or a bad thing???
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Head's Up!
Wow! It's been a while since the last post! It's crazy what the thing called life can do with your time! Although it has been a while since the last post, sadly there's not much to really report. We are still saving our nickels and dimes....pennies too! Our money jar (a 5 gallon water jug) is getting fuller and fuller by the day. I'll pick up a coin off the sidewalk/ground regardless of whether it's heads or tails. I guess I figure that our "luck" can't get any worse than what it has been, so who cares if the wrong side of the coin is facing up, right?? Your unlucky coin is my lucky find! Every cent gets us closer and closer to our goal!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Place..
In case anybody is curious about the agency we are using, it's called Adoption Network Law Center. They have an impressive presentation and definitely know their stuff! (thank you Sue D. for sharing the information with me!)
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